Do you know how to set boundaries in a personal relationship? If you were to ask yourself this question, you would most likely have to answer “No.” Why? Maybe because you see relationships as connections that require maximum dedication. But this way of thinking increases the risk of being hurt and exposes you to danger.
Imposing limits on a personal relationship will not affect your health. On the contrary, it will help her to develop. When you don’t set boundaries, anyone can be a part of your life, including manipulators, toxic people, and emotional vampires. These individuals can do you a lot of harm by turning you into a grumpy person.
Why is it so hard to set boundaries in a personal relationship?
The reasons why we often do not impose limits on our personal relationships tend to be complicated. They are based on various fears, insecurities and certain incorrect beliefs.
For example, if you have low self-esteem, you feel that you are the least important person in the world. So you will accept humiliation, insults and even manipulation. If you have no idea how to set boundaries in a personal relationship and make no effort to do so, you probably don’t even think you deserve it.
Another possibility is the unfounded fear of arguing with other people. This fear is based on the idea that the individual in question will not agree with you and will reject you or that the conflict situation will compromise your safety.
Despite these fears, the biggest problem is not that you have low self-esteem or that you hate conflicts. No, the real problem is that you don’t know how to set boundaries in a personal relationship.
We are not told how to be assertive, how to communicate our needs and defend them. Thus, we must learn all these things on our own. But how can we do that?
- Start by saying “No” every time you don’t want — or don’t have time — to do something. It doesn’t matter what others say, if they get upset or if you make a bad impression. Make it a priority for you.
- Use the word “I” to express your wishes. For example, he says, “I’m tired of going to such meetings.” Do not apologize, but clearly express your dissatisfaction.
- Don’t apologize every time you make a wish. Instead of saying “I’m sorry, but I want to stay home,” he simply says, “I want to stay home.”
- Don’t justify yourself when you express an opinion or decide something. Even if the other person is upset, you don’t have to do that. You must trust yourself!
Be yourself to learn how to set boundaries in a personal relationship
In order to set boundaries in your personal relationships, you sometimes need to learn how to be yourself again. This means trusting yourself, giving up trying to please others, and not longing for anyone’s approval.
It will not be easy to take all these measures. After all, since childhood, we are taught that we must thank the people around us. But small steps like saying “No” and not letting anyone change your mind will be very helpful.
When should you set boundaries in a personal relationship? The answer to this question is: every time you feel uncomfortable. As soon as a situation or person starts to exhaust you, makes you feel bad or demands your full attention, it’s time to start imposing limits.
This measure is essential in all kinds of relationships, including family, friendship and love. Sometimes it happens that you give someone a finger, and he or she takes your whole hand. For this reason, it is essential to be honest and open.
Refuse to do what you don’t want to do, express yourself freely without feeling guilty or ashamed and give up giving explanations. You have to learn to protect your own well-being, which depends only on you, not on others.
By implementing these measures, you will see that you can change. You will learn how to be more assertive and you will no longer allow others to manipulate you. At the same time, you will express your ideas without feeling guilty and you will no longer be afraid of the reactions of the people around you.
Aren’t you going to start setting boundaries in your personal relationships starting today?